The Holiness and Sacredness of Music

Slim Greens is probably the most famous Glonk who considered joining the Martian Church. He is really popular on his home planet, and his music is considered to be marginally good by some music critics. The Martian Missionaries intend to convert him no matter what! By word, or by zword if necessary. If Slim Greens was a member would you be interested in joining the Church then?

If you enjoy music you would definitely enjoy going to the Martian Church. We play music and sing for part of our meetings. Martian Church music is unanimously considered to be the best music in the universe. It has been known to move people to tears. The singing of our choir is like a harem of angelic beings and will lift your mind/soul/program to new euphoric heights. The emotional power of the sacerdotal services will take you to depths of guilt-trance that you have never experienced before, and make you a better person for getting rid of your sin burdens.

Music is likened unto a prayer unto the Gods. That is why it is so important to only listen to Martian Church music. Because, would you want to pray the filthy lyrics of your favorite gentile-heathen-songs to the Gods? If you were talking to a being of such glorified holiness and purity that he made you feel guilty for just being organic and mortal (or synthetic and oily/dirty) would you want to talk to him about the filth of the world like drugs, reproduction, memetics or violence? Hopefully that would make you feel so ashamed that you would want to throw yourself into the oblivion of a Black-Hole! The pünishment of the Nizlak-worm’s entrails would be like sweet paradise compared to the humiliating horror and despair you would experience if the Gods came down and you were listening to anything but Martian Church hymns. Just imagine that guilt and shame you would feel in the presence of the Gods and plant it like a seed in your mind, water it, dung it and tend it carefully, make sure it gets plenty of sunlight and make sure no bugs eat it and no other plant-ideas choke it out.

If this completely true and correct information has had any effect on your hard heart/oil pump then we want you to know that the Gods want you to be happy. The joy that they want to give to you can only be received if you obey the Prophets, repent of your sins, be babtized, and pay your tithing. The joy of perfect obedience to the Prophets is actually so great that you cannot receive it in mortality; it would make your brain/circuits explode! That is why the Gods hold the joy in a special lock-box up in the Martian Heavens, so that after you die and are immortal they can give it to you! The Gods’ plan is perfect and they have thought of everything! Isn’t that awesome!? So the promise is sure that if you obey the prophets perfectly you can trust that you will get the joy after you die.

We hope that you will come and join in the chorus of our loving and accepting fellowship and enjoy the full blessings that Martianism has to offer you. These things I say unto you, Amen.